If we are honest with ourselves we must admit that we haven’t been model members of society. As addicts we have done things to ourselves and others that aren’t so honorable. I know I did. Even today I’m not perfect and I do things I should be doing and I say things I shouldn’t say. But these days are nothing compared to my drinking days. In Step 4 we are called to embark on a tough journey of fearlessly searching our hearts. I will admit this isn’t easy, but it is necessary. If we are going to remain sober we must take inventory of our actions, words, and thoughts. If we don’t we’ll continue in our destructive patterns and eventually give in to our addiction. We’ll fall back into the clutches of whatever held us captive. We fought hard to escape so we must do everything we can to keep the freedom we gained.
Fearless searching isn’t a one time thing we do. It’s an ongoing process we must do daily. Things happen in life and we react in ways we shouldn’t. We develop attitudes and say things that we shouldn’t. Completing our fearless searching is a lifetime commitment to remaining free. The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” (Ephesians 4:31). Think about it. While we are in the throes of our addiction we are all of these things and through our fearless searching of ourselves we will come to see where we fall short. As I have journeyed through nearly 33 years of sobriety I have discovered something through my fearless searching of myself. All of the things listed by Paul in the above mentioned verse are all things that were directed at myself. My inner feelings about myself were being projected outwardly to people around me. It really wasn’t about how I felt about them, it was how I felt about myself. How we feel about ourselves will show up in our interactions with others.
So years ago I read a book titled “Hurt People, Hurt People.” When we are hurting we tend to hurt others. Instead of looking at our hurt and working to relieve it, we lash out at others. We hurt other people when we ourselves hurt. A fearless search will help us identify our hurts as well as behaviors we need to address. We aren’t fearlessly searching other people. This would be much easier, but that isn’t the task. We are completing a much more difficult task of fearlessly searching ourselves. A task that must be done day after day. The good news is that God will help us. It doesn’t have to be a solo journey. We can walk our fearless searching with our Creator who knows us better than we know ourselves. Psalm 139:23 says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” We can be fearless with our searching because God knows what is in our hearts and will help us see for ourselves. We ask God to search our hearts and reveal to us the things we need to see. He won’t reveal everything at once so we must continue our searching. So, don’t put off the dreaded searching of yourself. It’s in this fearless searching that true healing begins.
Add comment
Comments