Amends, Not Revenge

As we make our way through life we will no doubt cause harm to some people. In our addiction we have harmed more people than we would like to admit. In some cases we may not even realize we have harmed others. We have a responsibility to right our wrongs. Step 9 instructs us to make direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. A key part of step 9 is to do no further damage to others. Making direct amends isn’t about making us feel better at all costs. It’s about righting our wrongs, without harming others. Making direct amends is selfish if doing so causes more harm.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). Our ambition in making amends should not be selfish or conceited. We make direct amends for the benefit of those we have harmed. Yes, we feel more peace when we do so, but this isn't the reason we do it. As author C.S. Lewis noted, humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Humility isn’t weakness. It doesn’t means we think others are better than we are. It simply means that we consider the impact our actions have on others. When making amends we must do so with a humble heart, ensuring no more harm is done.

We must refrain from doing any more harm than we already have. We have done enough already. Causing more isn’t the right thing to do. Our direct amends should not be used as a form of revenge. If this is the case then we should not go to those we have harmed. A heart filled with revenge is selfish, and we must nail it to the cross. We must ensure our heart is in the right place and filled with the love of Christ before making direct amends. We must prayerfully examine our motives before going to those we have harmed. This applies to everyday life as much as it does with recovering from an addiction. We all harm others that we need to make amends with. The way of society is to seek revenge. The way of following Jesus is to seek amends. Revenge is harmful, amends are healing. Direct amends aren't one and done. They’re a lifetime journey of righting our wrongs.